My Top Ten Favorite Horror Movie Posters

Simple. The first SAW poster had a severed foot, disgusting yes, but it didn't (for lack of a better term) get under my skin as this poster did. Yes SAW was a better movie then SAW II, but something about these ghostly fingers which have obviously gone through hell standing alone that are just plain disturbing.


Okay so this one made the list for the tagline alone. This movie was okay but the poster gets straight to the point. Someone is going to be eaten.


This is what a horror movie poster should be. A absurb balance between grotesque and erotic. The man sits alone with one of the most frightening objects in horror movie history but it sits as an extension of himself, as a phallus. You all see it, don't deny it.


Okay so I have no clue if this movie is going to be good or not. But earlier in the year I saw this poster and I can't wait. Simple image, combined with a killer tagline. My cup of blood...tea I meant to say tea.


This gave horror movie fans a collective hard-on the second it was released. Two of the biggest icons in horror movie history on one poster. Enough said.


Okay so this was a B-movie at best. But this poster with the Frankenstein eye made me want to see it. And isn't that what a movie poster is suppossed to do?


Sometimes the simplest images get to you the most. A solitary man, trying to stand against pure evil. Haunting image, powerful and a truer statement on film making and putting the feeling of the film on a poster has never been said.


This is a testament to this film. Sure you can try and look back and make fun of this film all you want. But it got you. I got everyone. The press for this film and it's "true" story started a year earlier. When everyone saw this poster we all thought we were going to see a Docu on the last days of these college students' lives. Brilliant ad campaign and still one of my favorite movies because of it.


Something about the double face on this poster of the little girl haunts me to this day. It is an excellent film (and I believe everyone should rent it this year if you are looking for a good Halloween movie you have never seen before). The poster says it all.


When I saw this poster I jumped for joy. I am not kidding. Ask anyone who had to see a 300 pound man giggle with excitement in the Lodi theater. I felt the movie was great anyway. But this poster sets the mood for this film and got you prepared for what you were going to see. As a good poster should.

The Latest Edition of "What’s Pissing Jaye Off?"

Okay so take this statement as complete fact: "It takes A LOT to piss me off." Also combine it with this other true statement: "When I don't like something, everyone knows it."

Those things being said let's move on to this blog, up to you weither or not you wanna stop reading now....

Still with me? Then let's begin this rant!

5> REALITY TELEVISION

Oh I know it is popular to bash reality television, but remember I have been doing it since the only "reality tv" was COPS and THE REAL WORLD. I hated it then, I despise and megaloathe it now. Are you fucking kidding me? DO I have to see 30+ skanks dressed like horny high groupies trying to get into bed with a washed up rock star? DO I need to see a bunch of people cook for an hour? Do I need to see minor celebrities getting tans? Tone deaf morons thinking they are great singers because mommy told them so. Crack whore 16 year olds saying that they had it rough because daddy bought them a Prius instead of the Benz they really wanted? Idiot pretty people parading around saying models get a bad rap for being stupid while the fall into pools to drunk to stand in the model heels? This is what is dumbing down our nation to the point of labrats. That's unfair, lap rats at least know they have to keep moving in the maze to make it the the cheese. Reality TV robs our country of one of it's most important national treasures...IMAGINATION. Our forfathers "imagined" a free world. Our grandparents "imagined" space travel. Our parents "imagined" no more war. Now war is just another reality television show.Now all we can do is "imagine" who will be America's Next Top Chef/Model/Star/Idol/Beauty/Geek/Dancer/Rapper/etc. to sleep with Flavor Flav/Brett Micheals/Tyra Banks/Simon Cowell... I sit back and "imagine" it all goes away...SOON!

4>TODAY'S COMEDY MOVIES

Okay let me start by saying, THE FORTY YEAR-OLD VIRGIN was stupid! Okay It had to be said. It was an aweful waste of film. I couldn't even finish it (which is rare, I usually push myself through any movie no matter how bad it is, hell I finished FearDotCom, Dr. T & the Women, and Perfume for god's sake and they were all shitonastick). I am assumming the 40yearold Virgin finally "got some" and they all lived crappily ever after? But look at what this has spawned. Superbad, Neopolean Dynamite, Knocked Up, Blades of Glory, Reno 911, The Heart Break Kid, etc. etc. etc. Do I really have to list all the crappy comedies people are raving about how funny it all was. And they all compare themselves to The 40 Year-old Virgin, why? It made money and people said it was funny. Okay I am gonna take it's power away then. These movies are not funny. Forgive me, I like my comedies to be...what's the word I am looking for? Oh I know...FUNNY! I am looking at you Kevin Smith for help, you've done it, you are funny, could you show these people what funny is again? If not then I will call in the reinforcements, Steve Martin, Ivan Reitman HELP ME! Look I am not bashing all of today's comedies. I laughed hard at Little Miss Sunshine, Hot Fuzz, Clerks 2, and Music and Lyrics (if that doesn't prove I have a diverse taste in film I don't know what does?) Will the rest of you fall in line please? No more Harold and Kumar, no more Super Troopers, no more Beer Fest, no more...just no more you are starting to make me cry everytime I go to the movies and see another ad for another brainless, gutless comedy with nothing but crude, cruel "humor" and I use that word lightly.

3> The News "FEAR" Factory

Ah you thought it was only the light stuff, the pop culture that I was gonna attack like I usually do. I try to stay away from polotics and religion, no point in me attacking these things, others do it well enough, plus whose mind am I really gonna change or enlighten? But this is increasing and I need to say my peace at it. Look we have enough to be afraid of in life without you newcasters blowing everything out of proportion. Do you have to make every minor flu outbreak sound like it is the begining of the inevitable zombie holocaust? Do you have to remind us every night that the terrorists are still waiting for us behind the IHOP? Does it get you off to sit there and thinking of all the people you are forcing to get up lock the door take more meds etc? Does it? Well knock it the fuck off!!! I am saying this as calmly as possible. People are scared all the time! YOu won already Newscasters! You don't need to rub it in! Fear is not something you should be just throwing around. Does nobody else remember the boy who cried wolf? I do! The last time I was honestly afraid while watching the news was when I was 12. It was a full hour report on the Africanized Honey Bee, The KILLER BEE and how swarms of these pissed off little fuckers were headed right for us. Told us to buy duct tape, painters masks, get flu shots ( like that would help against little stingers desperate to kill me). I spent my allowance on duct tape that month. was ready to tape up ever inch of my parents home the second the news told me to. They never did. They never even told me what happned to all those little yellow and black assassins. They just moved on to the next big fear. That pissed me off, I felt betrayed, let down. And because of my growing distrust, hatred, contempt for the news and the people that reported it I didn't even believe in 9-11 until I saw the towers fall with my own two eyes. You see what I am saying? You shove fear down people's throats so much that they gag and get used to swollowing it in full sound bites. Until one day, when something happens that they should actually be afraid of and instead of being afraid like you always wanted them to be they just go out and buy a couple more rolls of duct tape just in case the antrax pisses off the Killer Bees.

2> Weight Loss

I have been big my whole life. I want to loose weight for health reasons. I don't need to look better, have you seen my girlfriend? She is HOT! And she likes me big. So it isn't for the reasons others feel forced to shed pounds. Stop it! You are not fat! Any of you! Not a one of you! If you are "overweight" and it is causing health problems then YES do something about that, you need to stick around. But if you are trying to get rid of extra weight so someone will notice you, so you can wear the size you used to, so you can convince that guy or girl to go to bed with you, so you can get a better job, so you can finally "do something" with your life, KNOCK IT OFF!!! You are beautiful the way you are. Start worrying about how you treat others, how you live, what you do. If those things are all in check and you are a good person, fuck those stupid people that don't notice you! fuck that size you used to be! You are this now! And you are good! No you are better than good, you are a perfect creation! You are a beautiful creature! And if everyone listened to this then those people so hung up on looks that they don't notice you in that way WILL notice. You aren't ugly because you are a couple of pounds overweight, you aren't ugly because you are a hundred pounds overweight. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and the only eye that should matter is yours, so stop looking at yourself through the media's unblinking eye, and look at yourself in the real light!

1> People getting attacked for their opinions

Okay so you think different from me...WHO DOESN'T? You have a different political party, religion, job, background, set of morals, taste in music, taste in film, taste in food, taste in sex, sexuality, gender, family life, friends, car, etc then I do. Hell that just discribed many of my best friends. If you disagree with what I said about The 40 Year-Old Virgin earlier, you are free to do so. You can even go off on all the things you feel make that film "great" in your opinion. That is what it is there for...your opinion. Just like I am allowed to express MY opinion. However way too many people out there feel that it is okay for them to say their opinion and you can agree with it or shut up. That's just doesn't fly with me. If you want your voice to be heard, you need to be willing to listen to other's voices, otherwise no one will listen to yours. Each of my friends have very interesting views on this world, love, religion, polotics, movies, music and hell I would be lying to you all if I didn't say that most of the time I disagree with their views. And I tell them so. ANd when I say something that they disagree with, they say so to me. But every once in a while we find someone who just feels they are right about this and you are without a doubt wrong...guess what buddy boy? That just doesn't fly with me. You disagree with me, GREAT! That is what makes you unique. But if you are so set that you are right that you will refuse to listen to me, or write me off as a friend just because we don't see eye to eye on one thing then I guess what I need to say to you is Grow the Fuck Up!!!

I could go off for pages and pages on all the things that piss me off right now. FARTS: guys they aren't funn, they just stink, knock it off. PEOPLE HATING WHITE CHOCOLATE: I like it better then dark or milk, it's not bitter, I like my candy sweet, that's why I eat candy! GWEN STEFANI: You were barely talented enough to lead a band, and you proved that you can't be a solo act by choosing music that none of your fans would like.

Like I said I could go on and on, but I will stop now for your sake. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

SF never smelled so good!

The show was a great hit in SF. I loved every second of being there. I am sure I could go on and on about every detail however I am not going to. I will be giving HIghlights of reviews of the show, how I felt night by night, the audience reactions, and my comments on other shows I saw will all be posted over on the BARROOM PHILOSOPHERS myspace page. Not a friend of BARROOM PHILOSOPHERS yet? Go add it NOW! Because this show isn't over yet.

Now however the highlights of the SF trip.

The 3 Crack Stories!

1> Standing outside the Exit Theatre awaiting a show a gentleman comes up to a group of performers (myself included) carrying a paper tray with fried chicken and toast. In his other hand he has a paper cup of water. As he asks us our names, etc. we notice he has only one tooth in his head and it is blue. Not green as in decay, but blue as in Kool-aid. I thought to myself "how long has it been since he had kool-aid?" He spoke to us for a long time and ate while he then decided he was done with the conversation he said "well, I am gonna go do some crack, see you folks around." We stood there dumbfounded, too many jokes ran through my head. Finally I settled on "Hmmm....so that's what they meant by Bluetooth. I just don't see what the big deal is. Why does everyone want one?" We all get a good laugh and carry on our talk about our shows, audiences and one awful show we had all seen until I got to thinking about good old Bluetooth again. I spoke up saying "you know I didn't think about it until he brought it up, but crack sounds really good right now." I left, they laughed, never found Bluetooth again.

2> Leaving CJ's (or Carl's Jr. to anyone who didn't stay at the Y last year) a man walked up to me and said "Hey! Man, wanna buy some crack?" I was shocked. Not because someone was trying to sell me drugs in broad daylight, but because looking at me you can clearly see that crack would NOT be my drug of choice. Maybe he was trying to be nice and help me shed some unwanted pounds, like a "Crackin to the Oldies" workout. Or maybe he figured if he got me hooked he had a client for life, it would be years before anyone even noticed I was on crack. I politely said "no thanks" and continued on my way.

3> Outside the Y I see a man doing crack. I coughed, because I had something in my throat. He snapped around and begain yelling at me for coughing at him while he was doing crack. I started walking away towards the front door of the Y too which he commented "Oh wait man you live here? Shit I'm sorry brother are you okay?" Ah Sympathy from a crackhead!

Total Strangers are just the best at making you feel at home.

1> Outside OJ's (or Original Joe's to anyone not ever in SF during Fringe Fest) a well dressed man in an overcoat and stereotypical 90's "pimp hat" called me Chris and threw his arm around me. He talked to me like we ain't seen each other in years. Gave me a hug, I said I would see him later he said "you know I will be around, I is the A number one pimp in San Francisco Chris my brother." I responded with a hearty "Oh I know you are my man." And he left. I turn back to my group, their mouths agape asking "who was that?" My answer: "beats the hell out of me." I love SF.

2> Heading back to the YMCA to change into my costume for the show I accidentally bump into a guy tweaking. I say I am sorry and he begins to bump into me over and over again sounding like a broken record saying "gimme your wallet." Before I could respond a homeless man who sleeps in front of the Y throws the tweaker against the wall saying "don't fuck with this guy, he lives here." The tweaker ran off, I gave the homeless guy a couple bucks and it felt great to be "home" again at the Y.

3> Riding BART with a couple of the actors a large man strikes up a conversation with us. As he talks he asks what we do. I go into schmooze mode and sell the show. He slams right back with schmooze mode of his own and gives us all half off cover charge passes to his business, which according to the business card is home of the "World's Longest Lapdance." And I thought WE put on a good show?

4> Opening night party one of the shows had these rub on tattoos to plug their show. Now they were all attractive women, I was drunk, they were touching people to put these tattoos on, and everyone in my cast was getting them. So I walk on over and show them I have plenty of AD space left on my bald head. The one gal says, are you serious? I say sure and she calls the rest of the girls over to help because as she put it "this is my first head!" I love the Fringe Fest!

All comments on the show and performances themselves will be on the BLOG at www.myspace.com/barroomphilosophy101 ASAP. Join now!

And stay tuned to this blog for all my stories of this year's stay at the YMCA, where we could get ourselves clean and have a good...well...kinda

Show Soundtrack

Music plays a key in every show I do. Especially this one. For the first time ever I asked the cast to help me put their own unique touch on the show soundtrack. We have songs that represent the actors, the characters, the script and the reactions I have recieved over the years about this show. I hope you enjoy this soundtrack as much as I do.

POOR YORICK'S PUB & GRILLE Jukebox Selections

5-I-1 ... VOODOO CHILD- Jimi Hendrix
2-B-2 ... RIVERSIDE IN JUNE- Rich Phipps
20-T-3 ... OH WELL- Fiona Apple
9-L-4 ... TUBTHUMPING- Chumbawamba
4-B-5 ... A LITTLE RESPECT- Erasure
6-F-6 ... WICKED GAMES- Chris Isaac
13-H-7 ... WITNESS- Sarah McLachlan
32-G-8 ... GOOD RIDDANCE- Green Day
6-X-9 ... KARMA KILLER- Robbie Williams
10-O-10 ... DON'T FEEL LIKE DANCIN'- Scissor Sisters
7-M-11 ... GREAT INDOORS- John Mayer
11-S-12 ... IN BLOOM- Nirvana
8-Q-13 ... WHEN I GROW UP- Garbage
1-K-14 ... UNDER PRESSURE- David Bowie & Queen
17-U-15 ... STILL HAVEN'T FOUND WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR- U2
27-J-16 ... HE'S GOT A WAY WITH WOMEN- Harry Rosensteel
19-V-17 ... WONDERWALL- Oasis
21-R-18 ... YOU'LL ACCOMP'NY ME- Bob Seger
6-P-19 ... FEELIN' ALRIGHT- Joe Cocker
3-D-20 ... U & UR HAND- Pink

They say it's your birthday...

Look at me! I am not only admitting it, I am blogging it. Yes you heard me right, after 30years of hiding from it, here I am out in the open saying Today, August 27th, is my Birthday. Not only is it my birthday it is my 30th Birthday!

SO what happened? Why after all these years did I suddenly turn around and say "fine I have a birthday." Well Karene started it. She makes me very happy I am here. Beyond that Karene threw a surprise birthday party for me (and as most people know I HATE THAT SORT OF THING.) But this time something was different. I looked around and I realized that I love these people around me. I would do anything for each and every one of them and they love me. So maybe what people were saying all those years was right, maybe birthdays are about letting the people you love show you they love you back and they want to celebrate you.

Enough of that. So let's chat a bit about 30!

As per several discussions I have had recently (with Karene, Lori, Anna, Tony, Cathy, and Elmer, the major influences in my life) I have come to an impass. I am 30 years old and way too old to be wearing a uniform for $7.50 and hour and only working 4 hours a day. I have 12 years experience in Special Ed. and with Mentally Handicapped Individuals, it is time I not only put that experience to good use but also use it to my advantage. So I will be actively searching for employeement in said feild.

Also, as per our talks, I realize it is time for me to grow the fuck up! I want a family. I want to be a Dad. I want marriage, house, kids, dogs, cats, etc. Yes I love doing theatre, but I have to stop letting that control my life. I would love to do it all the time, or even do it for a living, but that is not happening anytime soon so I need to stop letting that be my first priority, no more letting that dictate what work schedule I can have. As long as I have time to write and get to direct one show a year I will be happy.

Speaking of priorities and getting them in check I guess that's what this birthday is all about. Seeing what I want and finding my way to it. I want to write for a living. How can I do that? Well... START WRITING! That just may help! I was so focused on acting and directing and the like that I set Barroom Philosophers on a shelf for 10 years. It had plenty of company with several other scripts. Time to clear the dust and get my ass in gear. What more do I want? I want to satrt my family life. I want to get married, and yes Karene is that one for me. I guess I have always known it. She knows it too. We have talked a lot about it. And it just may happen sooner than you may think. No I am not jumping into anything...JESUS I have been wanting us to be together for 15 years, you think that is long enough? She is my High School Sweetheart, My first Real Love, and I will be lucky enough to have her on my arm for the rest of my life.

But in order to have any of that I gotta grow up. As Tony said "I understand, suddenly I have a family." He does, so does Elmer. Maybe it's time I join that world. Sure it's tough, but much much happier. Tony also mentioned something that was dead-on! "just because you need to grow up in certain things, doesn't mean you have to grow up in everything." Ain't that the truth. I still am young enough to have fun, see the world, live life, enjoy friends, eat spicy food, dance like no one is watching, and do all the silliness I am know to do. Just gotta balance that with becoming an adult.

Hmmm...30 ain't such a bad year. In 2007 I got a great roommate, who is a true blessing. I have an amazing show going to San Francisco that I wrote am directing and starring in, and with this wonderful cast we are gonna kick major ass. I now I am together with the love of my life. My life is starting at 30...don't get me wrong the first 30 years were a blast, time to move on, time to live up to my profile name, time to enter the next phase, next level, and time for Jaye to be happy and proud to be...well....Jaye.

Happy Birthday to me!

My Week in Heaven!

Long story short, I have a perfect girlfriend, who I got to spend a wonderful week in Heaven with.

Short story long, here is my blog.

Thursday, August 16th was a day I was nervous about, excited about, in awe of, and awaiting in giddy bouncy anticipation. (Ask my roommie, she had to deal with me being all giggly and smiling...listen to me.) At 11:28am at Sacramento airport arriving on Delta flight 7766 was my angel. The woman who has saved me more times in life then I can even count. Karene Sandra Morris came down that escalator and back into my life, this time forever. Okay first of all I think airports hate romance. You can't surprise people at that gate anymore, otherwise I would've been the first face she saw off that plane. Instead as she was coming down the escalator her friend Karla surprised her and called her name. Which was fine. I am good at improv so I leaned on the nearest post and simply waited. Karla gave me a great set up and slipped in "Oh by the way, Hi Jaye." Karene whipped around and threw her arms around me. I knew I was home.

That afternoon, we had lunch at Hard Rock and walked around Old Sac with Karla. We ate pop rocks, held hands, smiled bigger then I ever thought possible and when I got the chance to kiss her lips we both melted. We made it back to Lodi pretty early and was able to get a few people to come over and meet her. Those few people grew into a few more and a few more by the time we got back from Strings and played games and laughed. She says that she laughed harder this week then she has in years. We made plans for another gamenight (or so I thought) on Sunday night and parted ways. That night I had no insomnia. That night I slept deep and strong with her in my arms.

Friday we took the long drive to San Jose in order to see Elmer and his kids. Karene and Elmer haven't seen each other for years. We got to play with the kids and invented a great game of Anarchy Balloon War with Matthew and Haley and Elmer. We laughed joked and had an amazing day. We left for Sunnyvale and our "four star" hotel. Rather then spend the $60 it would take to fill the truck to go back to Lodi and then head back to Santa Cruz where we were spending the next day we spent $48 and got a room at the Pacific Inn in Sunnyvale. On entering the room and I use this word lightly. We discover as Karene said "where is the bed?" I pull back a curtain and open the cabinet to reveal our big beautfiul short full Murphey Bed. After a lot of laughter we realized how funny it would be the two over 6 foot tall people were sharing a Murphey bed where our feet hung over. Not being tired we went into San Jose to see a flick at the AMC Mercado. The next movie that was starting that we wanted to see was The Invasion. It was a good remake of a remake of a remake, we both found some problems with it but over all enjoyed it. Made it back to the hotel and fell asleep (again, I slept!)

We woke up in time to go down for the lovely continental breakfast, you could barely taste the fact that the eggs were powdered. Went back upstairs and watched Mr. & Mrs. Smith while getting ready to check out. I made coffee in the room, drank a pot and we laughed again about our room (I hadn't laughed this hard in years, yes I laughed out loud, ask anyone that was around us.)

We took the beautiful Highway 17 into Santa Cruz and started our great day in my favorite city with my favorite girl. We had dinner at a great dinner with horrible service where the pier meets the boardwalk. And after we walked the peir, took pictures of seals and went to my favorite candy shop where I got Karene a Dark Chocolate covered Strawberry, never was more jealous of a piece of fruit before in my life.

We then walked hand in hand, shoes off (yes I took my shoes off) in the Pacific Ocean the entire length of the beach, honestly the first time I have ever done that in my life, and god it felt good. Tony, Cathy and Anna joined us for some rides and fun on the beach and all I could say was I was "having a good day."

The next morning I had to work. (BTW I even slept that night). When I got off work at 1:30 it felt great to come home to Karene. We had lunch and layed on the couch and watched The Whole Nine Yards. A little after four we made it to Jeanine's for "game night." Which as it turned out was a surprised party for my 30th birthday. Everyone was really happy to be there and were also quick to tell me Karene planned the whole thing so I couldn't be mad. She is the only woman that I wouldn't be upset at for doing this. It was uncomfortable at first but I finally understood why people celebrate birthdays and for the first time I had a good one.

That night after the party and after my wonderful roommate went to bed we snuggled up on the couch and watched Casablanca. Yes you heard me right. I will write it again becasue it feels so good to say. I WATCHED CASABLANCA WITH A WOMAN! My firends know exactly what that means. Again I slept...

The next few days are a blur. Just a very very happy blur. I know we hung out with Lori. I know we went to Sonora to see a show at Sierra Rep. I know she watched me direct and loved it. I know we went to karaoke. I know we danced to Fly Me To The Moon. I know we sang "Suddenly Seymore." I know we had Chinese Food with Tony and Cathy. I know I laughed more and loved harder in that week then I ever have in my life.

I also know that Karene feels she just somehow got ten years worth of friends in one week and I need to thank each and everyone of you for that. I am surrounded by great people and I love you all for that.

I don't want to mention the long ride to the airport. Or the time I spend on the way back home without her teary eyed. I don't want to talk about these things. Just want to think how happy I was a week long. And how she is the one who makes me feel like I am worth being happy, being loved.

And as I write this I talked to Karen and found out she is already looking for jobs in CA. She left Thursday at noon.

The only thing I have left to say is........

I now understand what every love song means.

How Jaye is Feeling NOW!

For dear friends and readers of my blog the title of my blog may look very very familiar. Earlier in the year, while going through some dark times, I posted a list of songs letting you all know how I was feeling. I even encouraged you to download these songs and give them a listen so you could really look inside my brain. Well I have always loved telling a good story through music (ie. mixed tapes). So here it goes. Round Two! Here is how I am feeling NOW! Go ahead download them (illegally) and give them a spin. I bet you can tell the difference in the cds right away.

THE HOW JAYE IS FEELING NOW CD

1. Everything- Michael Buble
2. Better Now- Collective Soul
3. Ultrasuede- Matthew Sweet
4. Wink & A Smile- Harry Connick Jr.
5. Lips of an Angel- Hinder
6. She's The One- Robbie Williams
7. Travelin' Through- Dolly Parton
8. Something- The Beatles
9. Lucky- Greg Khin
10. Just Like Heaven- The Cure
11. Crazy Little Thing Called Love- Queen
12. I Wanna Be There- Blessed Union of Souls
13. Suddenly Seymore- The Little Shop of Horrors Soundtrack
14. Extraordinary- Better than Ezra
15. Girl Inside My Head- Blues Traveler
16. I Do- Uncle Kracker
17. Boston- Augustana
18. Every Little Thing She Does is Magic- The Police
19. Fever- Ray Charles and Natalie Cole
20. To Make You Feel My Love- Billy Joel

Downloading starts.....NOW!

Kickin' it Old School!!!

Okay so I skipped work and went to X-Fest on Saturday.

But in order to explain WHY and What was the reason I had such a damn good time? I need to go back in time quite a bit.

Rewind 17 years. There I was a fat white kid from the farm. I washed tractors for three months to save up the money to go to my first real concert (if you don't count state and county fairs). It was Digital Underground! Okay so you may be asking yourself "Wait, Jaye the first album you ever bought was Queen. You are a huge Beatles fan. And you hate today's rap music. Where does Digital Underground fit in?" Okay here is time to embarass myself to the point of tears. This is a secret I have kept from even my closest friends. Many people do not know this and now I have to let it out in order to put things in context.

I wanted to be a rapper back in the day. I know I know. I could rap at any speed with the best of them. Even tried my hand at sctratchin'. I could never write my own rhyme or free verse it. But I was damn good at memorizing the works of such greats as Run-DMC, The Beastie Boys, Young MC, Public Enemy, Black Sheep, Ton Loc, and of course Digital Underground. Don't you laugh! I was good! Hell I was great even. Other white boys tried to step up and make fun of me. But thanks to Ahmed (my only Black friend at the time) and Enrique (I think the name says it all) I got some street cred. If fact. Ahmed was so impressed he took his scratchin' skills (which he coulda gone pro) and added my rappin and entered us into a talent compitetion. There in front of a crowd of peers he introduced himself as "DJ A-Fresh" and then he said the words that sent a chill down mine spine and to this day am embarassed to admit the alter-ego he gave me that day on stage..."White Chocolate." We rocked the place with The Humpty Dance (and as some of you have heard at Karaoke places, I still hit that groove.)

Well the dream died. I knew I could never be a rapper. And I hid "White Chocolate" away from the world. All of my friends now did not know me then. Even my oldest friends do not know the horrible truth of my alter ego. Rap music changed from fun, dancing, sexy to angry, evil and violent. I hate rap music now. Where is the Tootsie Roll? Who is still down with O.P.P.? I don't wanna slap a hoe. I don't wanna pull my nine. I just wanna rock the house with my mad rhymes. Hey I do gotta give credit to The Black Eyed Peas, they are kickin' it "old school" not hate mongering like the rest of them fools.

Let's get back to Saturday. The second I heard Digital Underground was gonna be there I just had to be in the house. I needed to feel young and free again. Back when dreams were alive. Back when I was "White Chocolate." For a guy turning 30 this year, I had to go back to the old school to put things into focus.

I listened to TEMPEST when we got there. They rocked but I could barely hold my excitement to the fact that Digital Underground was next! This is where I had to admit to the group I went with, WHY I was so excited about Humpty and the crew. They laughed, they joked, I was offended, I mean I know how it sounds...me? White Chocolate? Hahaha Hell, I have to laugh too.

I was in awe as the DJ spun some records while Digital Underground took the stage. Without a doubt, White Chocolate was in the hizzle. They were great, as I expected them to be. I even got a little misty eyed when The Humpty Dance came on. And had other emotions coursing through my body when the finished off with Freaks of the Industry.

Young MC was there too. He is still amazing. I am gonna go out and illegally download his new album. When "Bust A Move" came on and I was dancing with some hotties I felt like I was back in 8th grade at a dance. I even looked over my shoulder to make sure the princepal wasn't gonna stop my freakin'.

Fast forward through Blue October. They were good but between a drunk chick saying I was "hot for a fat guy", helping a tweaker crowd surf, and almost getting into a fight because a guy wouldn't stop slamming into my friend and her girlfriend, that concert left a bad taste in my mouth. I needed to keep it real that night.

While waiting for the crowd to die down Joanna (I woman I owe a lot to now) looks over by the stage and says "hey isn't that Humpty?" It was! And I was freaking out, but trying to stay calm. I walked up and asked if I could take a pic with him. He said yes. And another friend took the pic. I mentioned he was the first concert I went to and that being here made me feel young again. He thanked me and went on his way.

I sent out a text right away saying "I MET HUMPTY!" Many many people didn't know who I was speaking of. Without thinking I sent back. "Come on. You know! My main mellow man Shock G!" Realizing I was letting "White Chocolate" slip out into the open a bit too much!

As soon as I get the pic I will post it ASAP. Come on how often does anyone get a pic between Skippy and Shock G. Or when White Chocolate met Humpty. For now I just gotta say.

"Alright stop whatcha doin' cause I'm about to ruin the image and the style that you're used to."

Word! Peace out! White Chocolate in full effect!

It's the Final Countdown! (no, not that crappy 80's song)

Wow! Have I been busy!

Let me update you a bit. I got a job. I am working for a major retailer chain. Not WallyWorld. Think of the spot. Yep! That's it. Beyond that I haven't done much.

Had to say goodbye to my monkey. He is off in LaLaLand going to make it big and famous. And I guess now is as good a time as any to say this. Monkey and Sada moved down there and are going to make it big. I just know it and I wish them all the luck in the world. Them heading down has given my amazing Roomie Lori that push she needed to decide to move down there. So around Feb of 08 Lori Lori will be heading down to LaLaLand. I will be putting my stuff in storage and crashing at my folks house through the summer of '08 (so I can hopefully do THE FULL MONTY). However, after that I will be packing up my scripts and heading south to join Lori. That's right, you read it correctly. I will be giving Hollyweird another shot. This time not as an actor, but as a writer.

And speaking of writing. You may have noticed a countdown on my page for the opening of BARROOM PHILOSOPHERS in San Francisco. This is my first play to be performed and I am a bit nervous. I will be writer/director of the piece and now...lead actor. Yep, I am treading the boards in SF one more time and stepping into the shoes of my lead chacter Paul. This is not and was not an easy decision. I was convinced it was what was best for the show. As of 20 minutes ago I finished the final touches on BARROOM. I am very very very proud of this show and I thank Anna, Rob, Cathy, Barbara and Karene for all the good feedback and advice. I can not wait for everyone to see this show that is ten years in the writing (see I do finish things).

As far as that other countdown on my profile is concerned. I have been asked many many times now who this Karene person is. It's complicated. But let me give it a shot. About 15 years ago I met this amazing girl who would forever change my life. She was without a doubt my first real love. I fell hard and fast. And somehow I convinced this angel on earth to date me. We dated for about eight months. Saw The Lion King together (still can't hear any of the songs with picturing her next to me). Kissed in my buddy Ben's pool. Were two innocent teenagers in love (which was very special because I had lost what I though was all my innocence years before). She stole my heart, that is if you don't take into account I wrapped it and gave it to her. Then she moved. As often in teenage love stories her family moved so off she went. We tried long distance, but miles, among other things, got in our way. It's odd, here is where most of these type of stories end. Not for Karene and I. We stayed in touch and she came back to California only twice since then. She moved again and again. I dated again and again. I was always searching for someone like Karene. (HERE'S WHERE I NEED TO SAY SOMETHING TO ANY OF MY EXES WHO MAY BE READING THIS, THIS IS NOT FOR YOU TO TAKE THIS PERSONALLY I DO NOT MEAN YOU WERE NOT SPECIAL TO ME IN YOUR OWN WAY). I found my thoughts going back to her, and it caused a lot of problems but I gladly dealt with them because I knew that Karene was my first love. My most recent break up got me thinking alot about love and life. And I realized a few things. I do believe in true love. I do believe in happily ever after. And the person I wanted that with was Karene. And it was unfair to me and to any woman I tired to date in the past, present or future to try and find that in someone else. SO I decided I just wouldn't date anymore. I knew who I wanted, and what I wanted. Why put someone else through trying to live up to a person they never even met before? Why put myself through the torture of being in love when I knew who I was in love with since our first kiss? SO I decided I would be single and alone from here on out. Here again is where a lot of stories end. But not for me. I tried explaining to many friends why I was not going to date anyone. It didn't make sense to any of them, mainly because I just didn't say the real reason. I sat down and made a list of what I wanted, Karene is everything on the list. So I gave up. I knew Karene and I wouldn't ever be together again. But I also knew that since I believed in true love I had to stop this searching and just be alone if I couldn't be with her. Well about this time Karene was in Florida and began realizing some things of her own. That she had been in love with me for 15 years and couldn't deny it anymore. Thanks to a dream (I still wanna hear all about that one) she woke up one morning and booked a flight to CA to come see me. As I write this my heart is pounding. So between Aug 16th and Aug 23rd my friends will see me happy, in love, hyper, bouncy, young, confident, in other words the people who really care about me will see me the way they have always wanted to see me but never thought they would. I hope you all get a chance to meet her. My real friends have already noticed a change in me just waiting for her to come visit.

Coming soon: the blog about Karene's visit. "My Week in Heaven"

2007 a year of great changes!